Babbling
by woobloo97
Summary: Robin takes care of a feverish, babbling Barney. One-shot.


A/N: Written from a prompt by yogurtpo3 on a LiveJournal ficathon.

The gang had been called together for the first time in weeks. Life had been a little crazy lately, what with Ted and Victoria's blossoming romance, Barney and Quinn's tense engagement, Robin and Nick's new relationship, and Marshall and Lily's hectic new lives as parents (Marshall climbed down the fire escape. Don't ask.)

So one night, Ted decided that it was important that they all spend some more time together. They hadn't all been to MacLaren's for like two weeks, and he was starting to get a little separation anxiety. So he called them.

He got their answering machines. That was okay. It left him no choice but to improvise a grand soliloquy on each one. (It came to the effect of many polysyllabic adjectives attached to words such as "fate" and "destiny.")

But the end result was them all sitting together in the booth at MacLaren's. For the most part.

* * *

"Where the hell is Barney?" asked Robin, twisting her napkin under the table. "You said this would be a group night, Ted."

"Actually," Lily corrected her, "he said this would be 'the night in which five souls, lost on an endless journey, would come together once more to meet in the tranquil peace of our oasis.'"

"Ooh, you're lucky," Robin replied, "he didn't use the phrase 'bountiful watering hole.'"

"Hey, it was eloquent," Ted protested.

In response, he got three fart noises.

"But seriously," Robin continued, "why isn't he here? Geez, what the hell? Ditching on us? I bet it's Quinn's fault. _Quinn..._"

"Let's call him!" Lily suggested. She placed the phone in the center of the table.

"Hello?"

"Barney?" Lily asked.

"Geez, buddy, you sound terrible," Marshall said.

"Yeah, well, you probably just hear all that awesome. Even distance cannot contain it." It sounded hollow.

"Barney?" said Lily. "If you're sick, why didn't you just call us?"

"Sick? Excuse me, Lily. The Barnacle does not get sick."

"Okay, well, feel better," Ted said.

"Wait! Don't go!"

"Why not?" Ted said.

"I'm... I'm... Quinn isn't here."

"Where is she?" Robin asked, suddenly sitting up.

"At her sister's in Florida for a week."

"Oh," said Robin, sinking back into her lethargy.

"So..." Barney continued.

Lily sighed. "Barney, do you want one of us to come over and take care of you?"

Silence. Then-

"Yes, please."

"Fine." She shut off the phone. They looked at each other for a second, then suddenly-

"One-two-three-not-it!" Ted, Marshall and Lily stuck their fingers on their noses.

Robin looked up. "Wha- dammit!"

* * *

Robin braced herself to knock on Barney's door. Despite the fact that she wanted to see him, she also didn't want to get sick.

Okay, that was bullshit. She didn't want to see what Quinn had done to his apartment, didn't want to see what his life was like now that he was with someone that actually made him happy.

Whoa, where did that come from? She shook her head, and knocked.

"Come in," a voice croaked.

She opened the door, and... it looked the same. When they fixed the Hello Kitty disaster, Barney had apparently made everything back to the way he liked it.

At least, that was her first impression. But then she noticed the women's magazines on the coffee table (seriously? _People_? Get a life, loser.) And the flowers on the counter. The grocery list on the fridge.

She couldn't look any more, and instead marched resolutely towards Barney's bedroom.

"Hey," she said, softly, looking at the crumpled ball on the bed.

"Robin?" he croaked.

"Yes, it's me. The gang sent me over to take care of you, so, um, here I am..."

"I wanted you to come."

She paused. "Well, that's good, 'cause here I am."

"I didn't think they'd send you, though. I didn't think you'd come."

There was silence for a minute, then she gave him a little smile. "You look horrible." She walked over, setting down her purse. She started to smooth out his covers, only now truly processing how sick he actually was. His glazed eyes were half shut. She felt his forehead and gasped, "Sweet damn, you're hot."

His eyes flickered, but he didn't comment. This concerned her more than anything. "Okay, Barney, I'm getting you an acetaminophen, and if you're not better in an hour or two, I'm taking you to the hospital."

She bustled around for ten minutes or so, trying to make him comfortable. She kept a steady stream of conversation going, telling him all about her life lately, telling him about Sandy Rivers and how he had had a girl tied under the desk during an entire segment yesterday, telling him about how she was thinking about getting a dog. She didn't mention Nick.

Finally she settled down in a chair next to him, satisfied that he was nodding off. She thought she would watch TV or something. Her eyes trailed over his nose, his hands clutching the pillow, the way his chest rose and fell...

It felt like a blink of an eye, but she spent fifteen minutes watching him sleep.

* * *

"Robin?"

She jumped, and automatically reached out to feel his forehead. It was if anything even hotter. There hadn't really been enough time for the medicine to work, but her brow still crinkled. "What is it, Barney?"

"Robin, I like you."

"Yes, Barney, I like you too."

His eyes clouded. "No, no, Robin. I _like_ you."

She half smiled. "Um, what?"

"I like you."

"Barney, you need to-"

"You are awesome and Canadian and you smoke cigars and take care of me and are awesome and I like you."

She smiled. "Yeah, we're two peas in a pod."

He looked at her intently for a second, then shook his head and drifted off.

* * *

Half an hour later, his fever had risen two degrees and he was truly babbling. He talked for ten minutes about suits while she talked to a doctor, who told her not to take him to the hospital for another hour. Then he talked for fifteen minutes about boobs lactating scotch.

Then he looked up and said, "And then, of course I saw Robin. But, duh."

"You saw me when?"

"No, I saw Robin, not me."

She closed her eyes for a second. "When did you see Robin."

"When I got hit by the bus, of course."

She sat down, remembering Marshall's comments about suits and boobs lactating scotch.

"You loved Robin?"

"Of course I love Robin. Come on."

"_Love_ Robin?"

"Well, duh. I mean, seriously, get a brain already."

"But... Quinn."

"Quinn's gone, stupid."

"What?"

"Do I really have to explain this? I tried to make Quinn get a ridiculous pre-nup so she'd leave me and then she did." He paused for a second. "But Robin's never going to love me, so it doesn't matter anyway." He looked down at his hands for a second. "It's hard, but you know, whatever."

A second later, he added, "I think it's my fault. I've never been able to say it right. I'm not good enough for her. That one time with Nora and Kevin... I tried. I realized she's the only one, you know, my soulmate, and I put out rose petals and candles and then she brought Kevin into the bar and it's the most I've ever hurt."

She couldn't breathe.

His feverish eyes looked at the ceiling. "Life sucks, that's all."

"Barney-"

He began to recite limericks. "_There once was a Old Person from Ewell..."_

* * *

When his fever began to go down, she was able to escape out to the hall for a few seconds, lean against the wall and sob her eyes out. She bawled, for the past and for the future.


End file.
